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National Features >
Broward-Palm Beach New Times
The Agent from Iran
How a mother of two ended up in a plot to smuggle high-tech gear to the enemy.
By Deirdra Funcheon
Westword
Murder By Design
In life and death, tattoo artist Kauri Tiyme made her mark.
By Alan Prendergast
Village Voice
My Brother the Slumlord
Amy Neustein never could resist going public with her family dramas.
By Elizabeth Dwoskin
Houston Press
The Ghosts of Galveston
A visit with the hurricane victims that a country forgot.
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Broadcast Media
Fakeasmilus permanenti
Published on August 26, 2008 at 1:15pm
Physical Characteristics: Upward-slanted eyebrows framed over beady, TelePrompTer-gazing eyes (what's known in the business as "the Hannity Aesthetic").
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Ward Sutton
Natural Habitat: Echo chambers.
Personal Disposition: Smug.
Evolutionary Purpose: To hold your attention between cell phone ads.
Place on the Food Chain: Just below bloggers, just above paparazzi.
Feeding Behavior: Pack eaters. Even the most inane slice of political bunkum has been known to throw these mic-wielding predators into feeding frenzies.
Mating Call: "As the most trusted name in news, we are now joined by the best political team on television, because more Americans get their news from us than from any other source."
Weapon of Choice: Glitzy, hyper-patriotic graphics; awkward banter between segments.
Your Best Defense: Literacy, critical thinking.
Danger Level: Prolonged viewing may cause existential angst, couch fatigue, and the notion that Lindsay Lohan's sexual orientation is somehow news.
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