Savage Love

I've started stoning to dull the fact that I'm hating on myself for not being hot for my wife. She's picking up on all of this, which is affecting her mood, self-esteem, and energy levels. And since she tends to eat more when things aren't going well for us, this is creating a hugely negative feedback loop on the weight-and-lust fronts.

When almost any girl you see is hotter to you than your wife...what the fuck do you do? When the desire to be with someone who actually turns you on is overwhelming...what the fuck do you do? When people you find attractive, women and men, hit on you all the time...what the fuck do you do?

Hawt And Royally Depressed

Before you give up or drive yourself crazy over this situation, HARD, you need to have an honest talk with your wife. It's simple: Tell your wife that you no longer find her attractive. It's called being honest.

It is quite possible that she has no idea that her out-of-shapeness is a turnoff, especially if she has never been told! Try saying something like this: "Honestly, I love you, but I'm not as physically attracted as I'd like to be. Can I help you work out a bit?" Then perhaps pick up a set of weights at a garage sale, set up a full-length mirror in a spare room, and work out together as a couple. Or take her for long walks. Or, if she's a foodie, encourage her to garden; a lot of calories get burned when you fork over your own vegetable patch!

But start with complete honesty. It's not that hard to say, "You have gotten fat and unattractive and my sex drive is nil, so can we do something about it before I bail on you?" My goodness! Whatever happened to being honest? Sit your partner down and tell her you love her in every way but you are not attracted to her due to her appearance. "You are out of shape and it's killing our relationship" is a good place to start! Stress how much you care, bring up the health thing, and tell her you want her to live a long, happy life, but impress upon her that this is a problem that might lead you to leave.

Open communication means revealing your thoughts so the other person can take action. Which sometimes means saying, "Unless you take up jogging and lose 35 pounds, sweetie, I'm going to have a hard time being sexually excited about you." The partner either laces up the running shoes or they waddle on with their life.

Good luck!

My boyfriend and I are both in our 20s, we're GGG, and we've experimented enough to know what we both like. There's only one thing that I'd like to try that he can't help me with: I'd like to be with a girl. He feels that if I get to be with a girl, then he should get to be with her, or another woman. I feel that any experience I have with a woman wouldn't threaten him, as I have no interest in having a relationship with a woman. I'd be fine if he wanted to be with another man. But he has no interest in being with a guy. I know what you're going to write: Shut up and have a threesome! We've talked about that, but it would be too hard for me to watch him with another girl.

This is an argument that we keep coming back to and it always ends up with us having a semiserious fight. Help us out!

Wants A Girl Alone