Return of the Porn King

Last week, the Minnesota Supreme Court placed Tigue on probation for two years and fined him $900. The investigation concluded that the attorney's trust account, set up to safeguard client funds, repeatedly ran a shortfall from 2004 to 2007 and that Tigue failed to maintain adequate financial records.

"I would've preferred a private reprimand since I've gone 33 years without any disciplinary action," says Tigue, who has been back in town since July and continues to represent adult businesses. "They made no claim that I stole any money from any clients. It was a matter of lousy bookkeeping, which I will correct." —Paul Demko

Zone of Contention

In a final nod to the visionary leadership of Par Ridder, the Star Tribune on October 10 implemented P-Riddy's Big Plan: four zoned metro sections, divvied into north, south, east, and west.

Here at City Pages' Warehouse District offices, we were excited to learn that we fit into the new "Twin Cities west" zone, which includes Minneapolis, Bloomington, Chaska, Eden Prairie, Maple Grove, and Minnetonka. Yet somehow, southeast Minneapolis—which is south of our office on the St. Paul side of the river—is in the "north metro" zone, which, according to the Strib's map, starts up in Crystal and Fridley.

Not everyone has rejoiced over the Strib's creative take on municipal boundaries. Jane Starr, a 40-year southeast Minneapolis resident, wasn't much interested in the Anoka parades or Elk River schools news that began filling her metro section. After numerous phone calls to the Strib's circulation department, she was told her zone was determined in part by the advertising department, which wanted Southeast to be in the north metro area.

After much effort, Starr managed to start receiving the Twin Cities west edition—for three days, at which point she was unceremoniously uprooted and relocated to the north metro again. "It's very irritating," says Starr. —Jonathan Kaminsky

No News Is Good News

More than one month has passed since an inexplicable, ironic, or catastrophic national event has occurred in the Twin Cities, leaving officials cautiously optimistic that the metro area will avoid further embarrassment well into the new year.

"It's been over three months since any major interstate bridge collapse, so that's good," Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak was misquoted as saying. "And it's been, like, what, 72 days without any senators cruising for gay sex in local bathrooms? As long as none of our universities ban any more Nobel Laureates, I'm confident our reputation will soon be restored to pre-Jesse Ventura levels."

The mayor went on to warn that the dry spell of embarrassment is likely to end during next September's Republican National Convention when, as Rybak admitted, "shit will almost certainly go down." —Matt Snyders

All's Fare

Local cab companies were dealt a blow last week in their ongoing efforts to underserve the last-call holdouts and stranded citizens of the city of Minneapolis.

Last year, the City Council voted to expand the number of taxis in Minneapolis, which had been capped at 373. The reforms promised to add 180 cabs to our streets by 2011, boosting the city's backseat confessionals by half.

But the Minnesota Taxi Owners Coalition, which represents 53 cabbies, found this experiment in free market capitalism oppressive. The group filed a lawsuit seeking to preserve its monopoly.

Last week, U.S. Magistrate Franklin Noel tossed the suit, ruling that "license holders do not have a constitutionally protected freedom from competition." —Jeff Severns Guntzel

LeDainian Who?

Let's be honest: We all had low expectations. Every one of the Yahoo prognosticators predicted a Chargers win, and so did a healthy 91 percent of users. ESPN specifically warned fantasy players not to use the Vikings defense. This one wasn't supposed to be a bright spot, and many thought it could get ugly.

It's funny how nearly 300 yards rushing will make you forget the team's win-loss record. When the longest return in NFL history—Antonio Cromartie's gut-wrenching 109-yard runback of a missed field goal to end the first half—is reduced to an afterthought, you know it's been a wild ride.

But while Adrian Peterson's record day was the talk of the town, there was also concern after quarterback Tarvaris Jackson was knocked out of the game with a nasty concussion. Except at the Uptown Leaning Tower of Pizza, where we heard this exchange after the brain-rattling tackle:

Patron No. 1: "C'mon! The hit wasn't that hard!"

Patron No. 2 [incredulous]: "He took a knee right in his grill."

Patron No. 1 [unmoved, unrepentant]: "Ahhhhhh, he's wearin' a mask!" —Jeff Shaw