Savage Love

This criticism is wholly without merit. In my defense I would point to the countless times I've advised straight men—ordered them!—to cater to their female partners' needs. I've advised straight boys to: eat pussy joyfully and frequently; happily incorporate their women's vibrators into the action; wear strap-ons if their dicks are small and their women occasionally long for that "filled up" feeling. Shit, I've all but offered to come over and strap down straight boys who were reluctant to submit to the aspiring peggers in their lives. Gender bias? As noted feminist Mary Poppins once said: Pish-fucking-posh, beyotch.

But to prove that my pro-kink, pro-fetish, pro-fantasy-realization stance has nothing to do with my dick, I've asked Midori—famous sex educator, author, feminist, and full-fledged, lifelong female—to grab the Savage Love reins for a week.

"Does she use guilt-tripping and passive-aggressive statements at other times?" Midori asked after she read your letter, WHIPME. "The same statement can come from a person who feels they lack technical confidence or a person who harbors resentment. If it's passive-aggressive behavior, you have more issues around basic communication then you do around your fetishes. Perhaps a couples counselor?"

If you determine that she's not passive-aggressive—and you'll have to ask the wife to determine that, WHIPME—what does Midori recommend?

"The next time she says she's not feeling creative, smile and tell her how much you enjoy what she has done and you enjoy her gift to you. The next time she says, 'This isn't really what I like, but okay...' ask her what she'd like and figure out how to combine both your needs. Maybe she's feeling that her needs are not met and hasn't been able to express that. I have seen many eager fetishists focus so much on their own fantasy fulfillment that they leave their partner feeling unheard. After a while, feeling unheard can lead to seething resentment."