Savage Love

I am a 34-year-old woman. I recently became reacquainted with a boyfriend from college and we write each other daily e-mails. He lives in Alaska and I live on the East Coast. We hadn't seen each other since 1993. We only broke up then because we were both graduating and headed our separate ways. We have continued our snail-mail and e-mail correspondence on and off for the last 12 years. I always ended it, and he would pursue it again several months later, and I would cave. I usually ended it because of my being seriously involved with other men. Anyway, me and college boy decided it was time to see each other again and got together for five days in New Orleans. We had fabulous sex every night and enjoyed each other's company all day. Then we parted ways again.

One Confused Chickie

Do you know what the funny thing is about mixed signals, OCC? In most instances mixed signals are actually one loud, clear, unmistakable signal: "I'm a fucking mess! Run! Run! Run!" The reason you can't decipher the singular signal Alaska Boy is sending you, OCC, is because you're suffering from a bad case of Wishful Thinking Syndrome (WTS). This man is damaged goods, OCC, but you're so in love with him that you can't see him for what he is.

So how do we know he's damaged goods? Let's count the ways: For starters he's a single man who chooses to live in Alaska, which should be renamed the Alaskan National Damaged Goods Refuge. He also says one thing ("I don't love you, I'll never love you") and does another (e-mails, compliments, explosive sex), which is always and everywhere a bad sign. Like a lot of DG men, he wants to feel like he has a girlfriend and/or lover without having to say the words. He also clearly enjoys messing with your head. Run, run, run.

I have these friends. They are married and have a small child. The guy is a great friend of mine. He's very intelligent, sincere, and levelheaded. I could go on and on about him, he is a great person. The woman is probably one of the coolest people I have ever encountered. She's so sincere and thoughtful. She is also drop-dead gorgeous.

My problem is that I am totally attracted to her and I can't fight this feeling anymore. We've never had a secret meeting or intimate encounter, but it seems like we could. I've never acted on my feelings due to the fact that I have been friends with both of them for so long. But when we're together I always get this vibe from her. We get along great and our conversations always have a flirtatiousness that no one picks up on besides us. What a predicament! There is no telling what could happen. Should I act on this or should I just get a life and find another girl? I'd love to hear some feedback because I can't share this with any of my friends.

Love or Sex Endangers Resolve

Fight this feeling, LOSER.

Setting aside the issue of just how scummy it would be to make a pass at a friend's wife--particularly when the couple has a small child!--nothing in your letter convinced me that this woman is actually attracted to you. You say you detect subtle flirtatious vibes. But are you, admittedly smitten, the best judge? Could there be some other reason why "no one picks up on" this mysterious vibe except you? Could you too be suffering from a bad case of WTS?